Top 20 pre-summer tips
Are you ready for summer? Have you taken all the necessary precautions? Let's face it - a pasty rear's inevitable after a long winter. But it doesn’t stop there. We’re talking beer guts, swimwear choices, BBQs, spray tans, exercise routines...hairy pits?! *ahem*
Kick-start your summer prep with our Top 20 list below!
1. Ditch the speedos. For the last time guys - they just ain’t hot.
2. Dig out the rubber thongs. Wear them everywhere! Embrace your toe-freedom and banish toe-jam (a debilitating disease caused by jamming feet into shoes all winter), which leads us to...
3. A pedi. Yes boys, you too. Maybe you can't use your toenails as ice cream scoops anymore, but hey; at least they'll look pretty.
4. Sunnies. Not just to look cool or to protect your eyes from UV rays – they’re the perfect cover for quality perving on the beach. Fun-ctional and practical.
5. SLIP SLOP SLAP! If you're pale and pasty from being winter bleached, you'll fry and shrivel up faster than well...things that fry and shrivel up fast *wink*.
The outdoors not your thing? Besides the fact there is something very wrong with you, there's only one thing left to do...
6. Spray-tan. Deflect those judgey stares by slathering yourself with rich, golden tones. Get the good stuff and follow instructions carefully, or risk looking like a basted chicken (Kramer style).
7. Or…stay pasty! Lather up that 30-plus!
8. Join the gym; start bootcamp; dare to detox…it's time to get back into shape! Not to mention the group-fitness perve factor; suss out your potential summer ‘projects’ early.
9. Lose the old beer gut. You have this summer to find a new one.
10. Look out for hair in places where it should not be and remove immediately. Wax, shave, adhesive tape - whatever it takes. Cos a rug looks hot on the floor; not under your arms!
11. Pay particular attention to your belly-button. Yes boys, they tend to get a bit manky over winter. It’ll need a good scrub.
12. Plan a good ol’ fashioned BBQ. This one's mandatory. Just remember to give it a good clean before you start (unless cobwebs and last years’ crusty-bits are your secret ingredient).
13. Dim-sims. On the barbie. *drool* (don’t knock it til you try it).
14. Stock up on litres of ice cream and bags of ice for those freak summer days that demand a session with your mates. Fire up the blender for jugs of frozen goodness.
15. Learn to swim. Properly.
16. Get your beach cricket back on form. Practice howzat-ing, one-handed catches (beer in the other), muscle flexing; the perfect way to attract members of the opposite sex.
17. Update your wardrobe to feel summer fresh 'n fabulous!
18. Buy bathers that fit. Avoid the all too confronting wave dunk that is known to cause serious plumbers crack and exposed beach-boobage.
19. Take-off the Hoff; perfect your best imitation Baywatch beach run!
And finally...*grin*
20. Book that holiday! Go all-out with a flight to your fave island paradise; pamper yourself with a local luxury stay; or road-trip round the coast (slabs in the back) backpacking with your mates.
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